Wednesday 28 September 2011

The Shite Shirts



At the time of writing, Newcastle United are one of only 3 teams in England to remain unbeaten as we head in to October; the only other Premier League side to have avoided defeat thus far are Manchester United. I’m not suggesting for one moment that Newcastle are in the same stratosphere as Ferguson’s side, but it is interesting to note this comparison, however tenuous it may be. Of course, as the third and final unbeaten English team is Charlton Athletic, we can only marvel at the inadequacy of League 1 strikers, considering Rob Elliott was between the sticks for the Addicks in their first half dozen games.

Of the 8 games played so far, I’ve managed to catch the Fulham one in the flesh and saw the Scunthorpe game on the telly in the pub; I chose to take in Team Northumbria v Northallerton Town on the night of the televised QPR fixture, which I’m reliably led to believe is the only time the Magpies have undeservedly claimed a share of the spoils this campaign to date. The next game at Villa ought to have been a win, the crazy 4-3 League Cup win at Forest saw sublime attacking and surreal defending (including 2 desperate ricks by debutant Elliott) and the recent defeat of Blackburn included, as I have been reliably informed, some of the best passing and movement seen at SJP since Sir Bobby’s 2002/2003 side finished in third spot.

With the next half dozen fixtures being Wolves (A), Spurs (H), Wigan (H), Blackburn (A) in the League Cup, Stoke (A) and Everton (H), there is a possibility that this encouraging run could continue, notwithstanding the depressing thought of a Monday night trip to the anti-football hell that is the Britannia Stadium. Of course, McCarthy’s side could banjo Newcastle all over Molineux on Saturday and make me look even more of a deluded berk than usual. Even if that happens, it would be churlish in the extreme not to applaud Pardew for his tactics, the team for their performances and Graham Carr for scouting such quality players. The central midfield pairing of Tiote and Cabaye looks as good as anything we’ve seen in the last decade; Kevin who? We’ll even applaud Llambias and Ashley for dodging the bullet by declining to lash out £12m on Bryan Ruiz, who has every sign of being the Central American Andreas Andersson if his early performances for Fulham are any indication of things to come.

Sadly, we are talking Newcastle United, so the course of this true love is constitutionally disbarred from running smooth. Firstly we’ve got the new Sports Direct adverts up on the Gallowgate and East Stands (I like to refer to them as the Derek Llambias and Mike Ashley Stands, just to upset people because I’m a scamp like that), which has resulted in certain sections of the support reacting to this in the way Macduff does when Ross brings him news of his family in IViii of the Scottish Play. While such camp amateur dramatics can generally be ignored, as oftentimes the biggest complainants will be attired in the latest replica strip (no doubt with CONFORM - CONSUME - OBEY printed on the back), it is more than a little galling to note in the latest set of accounts that Newcastle United paid over £40k for the privilege of hosting Sports Direct ground advertising in the previous season; let’s hope Puma have dug a little deeper in to their pockets for their logo’s prominent position. As far as I’m concerned any sponsorship the club makes is a good thing; I don’t care if the ground name is available for hire. It will always be St James’ Park to the fans, regardless of any corporate rebranding.  The absurd position that I’ve heard some try to delineate that it is acceptable for new grounds (Arsenal, Bolton, citeh) to have sponsored names, but not for traditional ones (is that all of them built before the Bescot Stadium & Glanford Park in 1990 or Vale Park in 1950?), is just too spurious to even entertain.

Elsewhere, there are cracks appearing in the NUFC Fans United edifice; hopefully these can be patched up. At the last meeting when it was proposed and accepted that the vouchers from the abandoned Fiorentina friendly were to be donated to provide free tickets for serving members of the Military, I adopted the Pastor Niemoller approach and said nothing. I immediately regretted this; while I had no voucher to donate, I wondered whether my silence would be interpreted as tacit approval of the conduct of imperialist invaders that had subjugated the nationalist population of the Six Counties for so long, not to mention their conduct in Iraq and Afghanistan. However, I decided that my silence was not consent and as I wished to remain within the corpus of NUFC Fans United, I should hold my counsel for the greater good of the organisation. Anyway, as I’ll probably only be at the Spurs game before Christmas, the chance of being stood amidst 45,000 people clapping a collection of squaddies was a minimal one, thankfully. Incidentally, I wasn’t the only one to object to this decision; others felt that as soldiers are well remunerated, any spare tickets would be better distributed to socially disadvantaged areas of the city; this to me is a completely sensible and utterly compelling argument.

Perhaps injudiciously, I voiced my distaste with the decision on Twitter, which has caused some immediate friction between I and other left-leaning NUFC supporters on there and the less cerebral elements of our support. It is unavoidable that NUFC Fans United will be the cause of fierce debate as the umbrella nature of the group means that all manner of political views and styles of support will be brought to the table; it is how the constituent parts deal with dissent and debate that will show the quality of those involved. Currently it appears as if one particular blog, styled like Loaded on Tyne, has decided that they will not be part of NUFC Fans United, if I stay part of the group. I could say their departure will have a minimal effect on the validity of NUFC Fans United, but that would be unfair. One of their contributors has worked hard on the Tickets for Troops initiative, which probably tells you all you need to know. Depending on your political stance, you’ll interpret that statement in your own way. I do rather hope he finds it within himself to rejoin NUFC Fans United as his opinions are as valid as mine, and probably hold more sway among our fanbase at the present time. 

There continues to be a complete clash of personality between the displaced L7 lot and those in the Gallowgate corner. At Blackburn stewards were handing out warning letters to those identified as standing too often, with rumours of one game banning orders enforced on some. I’d wager with so many cash sales on the day, anyone prevented from accessing the ground on their season ticket could easily buy a replacement. Perhaps that is Ashley’s new strategy to maximise match day income? In all seriousness, this is a situation entirely of the club’s making; the L7 lot should have been left up there, out of the way of those who want to watch the game in peace, filming themselves on their phones for YouTube, abusing the away fans and waving their shoes to their hearts’ content. Dispersing them around the ground is like asking the residents of a student hall of residence to move in to a nursing home and expecting everyone to get along. It won’t happen and it didn’t need to happen. The club need to back down now!

Rather more seriously, I heard of appalling behaviour by a small section of Newcastle fans at Villa; racist chants aimed at the general populace, sectarian abuse thrown at Shay Given (the finest gentleman to play for Newcastle United since Peter Beardsley hung up his boots) and general boorishness. In ordinary circumstances this sort of conduct could be put down to morons too full of drink, but my informant tells me this clan (and I use the word advisedly) were all attired in EDL and NEI (North East Infidels) polo shirts. These lads probably love the army and will no doubt think the Tickets for Troops initiative is a brilliant one, but do we want them in our club? No, must be the resounding answer.

My friend didn’t confront this lot at the time, choosing to move away to find a separate vantage point (easily done these days as Newcastle don’t always sell out the away allocation; at £43 for Villa, who can blame people?). I must admit I would have done the same; in the past I’ve stood up to them and had mouthfuls of abuse, but never a slapping. At home games it’s easy to finger the culprits; record the seat and row, then report it to a steward and subsequently the stadium manager via an email. I did that years ago, after one clown in the Gallowgate racially abused Andy Cole in October 1994 1-1 v Blackburn. He got a warning next time out and never opened his stupid gob again; did you, Jason Hailes? It may seem like being a grass, but it is the only way I can see as a 47 year old bloke to deal with this. I’m too old and too soft to get in to a toe to toe argument and I want the law and moral high ground on my behalf. At the Fulham game I saw one pitiful specimen in an EDL polo shirt; I called him a clown and he didn’t seem to register. He may have been attired like a fascist, but I suppose he wasn’t sounding like one. If he thinks he’s an example of some EDL master race, then I seriously pity him. However the fact remains, if racism, Islamophobia (don’t go there again please) or sectarianism is rearing its head among our support, then NUFC Fans United need Show Racism The Red Card alongside us now!

Sunday 25 September 2011

Voting With My Feet

About a year ago, I twice published articles in both "Toon Talk" and the Percy Main programme about the seeming death agonies of NUST; you can find them at http://payaso-del-mierda.blogspot.com/2010/09/feathering-nust.html and http://payaso-del-mierda.blogspot.com/2010/10/flying-nust.html I must admit not to having given that organisation a serious moment's thought in the intervening year, until I received an email asking me to renew my membership, claiming they've been working underground to make strides for supporters. If they have, the pace of change makes The Fabians look like the Angry Brigade.

I brushed aside the irony of it arriving the day we played Blackburn at home and swept them away with contemptuous ease, which was the third anniversary of NU$C's leaflet demanding Ashley Out and a mythical Geordie billionaire in place to do exactly what an elite band of super supporters told him, on a day we lost weakly and woefully to, you've guessed it, Blackburn. Instead, I ignored the £10 for a keyring era and thought back barely 2 years to the launch of the "Yes we Can Campaign" and NUST's belief in Fan Ownership; heady days that seem a lifetime away, but persuaded me to join and throw my hate in to the ring for election to the committee. Let's read what I had to say to the other 1,470 members of NUST eligible to vote.



“I am 45 and have been a Newcastle United supporter for the past 37 years, attending my first game on New Year’s Day 1973 when we drew 2-2 with Leicester City. I have written continuously for Newcastle United fanzines since 1990, when I first started writing for The Mag until the present time, as I contribute to players inc. I was a season ticket holder from 1989, when we were last relegated, until 2009, when I simply unwilling to expend any more emotions on Newcastle United. It wasn’t the relegation, as I could handle that minor inconvenience; it was the air of gloom and despondency that permeated our whole club. At the end of last season, I felt as if I’d watched my last game at St. James’ Park. How wrong I was!

Eight and a half months on from relegation, I am as enthusiastic about the potential of our club as I have ever been. While we may or may not get promoted this year, the absolutely key thing about 2009/2010 has been the announcement of the Yes We Can campaign of NUST, which has re-ignited my passion for Newcastle United, simply by stating that this club should belong to we supporters.

Yes We Can offers a clear, logical vision for the future of Newcastle United, not just for this season or next, but for the following 120 years of history. This club already morally belongs to its fans that are the people who are the rightful trustees of the future of Newcastle United; we aren’t the ones who let down the shirt or sought to make money out of the club. Yet we are the ones who have suffered; Yes We Can offers the only sure fire way to ensure such mismanagement does not happen again. If elected to the board of NUST, I guarantee I will support the right of all fans to have a say in the ownership and running of our club.

I am a lifelong Trade Unionist and a Socialist. I believe passionately in workers’ rights; when it comes to Newcastle United, this means I believe in fan ownership. However I am also a realist about how this dream can be achieved; pragmatically, there is nothing to be gained from unnecessary confrontation or aggressive posturing. The problem with a philosophy based on non-cooperation is that all it seeks to do is get the current regime out, without thinking about what happens after that. NUST sees the need for a long-term strategy, which is the whole ethos of Yes We Can. We need to work with the current owners to find a resolution to the problems of the club and we also need to get onside with potential investors. This is cooperation, not collaboration and it does not compromise the philosophy of fan ownership enshrined in Yes We Can.

If elected, I would seek to unite all fans, whether ultra or casual supporter, in supporting Newcastle United and NUST. Never forget, NUFC belongs to us!”

So, did these words sway the electorate? Not really. I came second last, so at least there was one person less attractive to the general punter than myself. Sadly 18 months on, those still on the committee have done nothing of note to advance the causes of Newcastle United, fan ownership or NUST one iota. Hence my decision not to throw good money after bad by renewing. Anyway here are the results -:
NUST Election Results 2010

Candidate
Total votes received
Result
Paul Brown-King
208
elected
Lisa Bullivant
272
elected
Derek Cooper
139
not elected
Bill Corcoran
200
elected
Ian Cusack
105
not elected
Steve Hastie
196
elected
Mark Jensen
285
elected
Tom Lynch
60
not elected
Michael Mannion
137
not elected
Neil Mitchell
213
elected
Malcolm Shiels
145
not elected
Tony Stephenson
256
elected
Chris Tuck
155
elected
Norman Watson
169
elected
Peter Whitfield
126
not elected
Colin Whittle
281
elected


Candidate

 Total Votes
Result


Mark Jensen
285
elected

Colin Whittle
281
elected

Lisa Bullivant
272
elected

Tony Stephenson
256
elected

Neil Mitchell
213
elected

Paul Brown-King
208
elected

Bill Corcoran
200
elected

Steve Hastie
196
elected

Norman Watson
169
elected

Chris Tuck
155
elected

Malcolm Shiels
145
not elected

Derek Cooper
139
not elected

Michael Mannion
137
not elected

Peter Whitfield
126
not elected

Ian Cusack
105
not elected

Tom Lynch
60
not elected


It's instructive to note that 3 of the successful & 3 of the unsuccessful candidates have abandoned NUST and are now part of NUFC Fans United. Incidentally, just in case you were wondering,  I won't be renewing my NUST membership...

Friday 23 September 2011

Alliance Analysis

I wrote this article for Peter Mann's new website, set up to promote his potential magazine, "Spirit of the North." It's well worth a look and deserves to be supported: https://sites.google.com/site/nonleague1/


The 2011/2012 Pin Point Recruitment Northern Alliance season got underway on August 13th, with 44 of the 45 participating teams, idiosyncratically divided in to 3 divisions boasting 16, 13 and 16 teams respectively, scheduled to play. Only Newcastle University, whose constitution requires them, unlike Team Northumbria, to field a team exclusively comprised of current registered students, were allowed to defer their big kick off until term started in September. However, unseasonal downpours in mid-August meant that Hexham’s home game with debutants Whickham Lang Jacks was postponed, as was Shankhouse’s clash with Blyth Town, mainly on account of the fact the council had forgotten to mark the pitch at Northburn Leisure Centre in Cramlington. This latter postponement shows the reality of the strictures many Alliance teams are forced to endure.

Last season, 2010/2011, the Alliance had begun with 51 teams spread equally across 3 divisions, but  Amble, Whitley Bay Town, Tynemouth United, Cullercoats Custom Planet, South Shields United, Stobswood Welfare, Berwick United, Chopwell Officials Club and Newcastle British Telecom all either threw in the towel mid-season, or tendered their resignations in late May. As well as these 9 departures, none of which continued at a lower grade of football, Peterlee Town took a supposed sideways step in to the Wearside League and Alnwick Town were promoted to the Northern League. To complement the 40 teams that decided to continue with their membership, 5 new teams were admitted, all in the second division. The relatively safe bets of Alnwick Town Reserves and Bedlington Terriers A were joined by New Fordley, who are using the Willie John Sams Centre in Dudley that was home to Newcastle BT, Whickham Jang Jacks, whose home turf is Shibdon Park in Blaydon that was once home to Winlaton Hallgarth and Alston. At the Alliance AGM someone remarked that Alston was a long way to go in the winter; the response was “it’s a bloody long way to go in the summer as well.” We shall see how they cope with long journeys to Tyneside each week; perhaps Alston can model themselves on Carlisle based Northbank, who skog back and forth across the A69 for division 2 fixtures uncomplainingly. To me, they are the most heroic club in the whole Alliance set up. 

The main reason for clubs folding at this level is not economics, generally speaking, as almost all clubs don’t pay their players, don’t charge admission and find the money for the pitch hire, strips and officials fees by having raffles, whip-rounds or weekly subscriptions for all those involved. No, what causes clubs to fold is a sheer lack of numbers; sometimes players, but just as often volunteer administrators to be on the committee. Having been involved with Percy Main for 3 seasons now, I can tell you it is an exhausting but richly rewarding labour of love, though the commitment required is too much for people who seek to have a proper social life!!

At the time of writing (September 20th), most clubs have played 7 or 8 games, as well as a couple of cup ties. In the Premier Division, the pacesetters are Carlisle City, who are the only team unbeaten, with Heaton Stannington just a point behind, having avoided defeat since the opening day when Harraby Catholic Club, another Cumbrian side of great pedigree, won at Grounsell Park in High Heaton. At the bottom, Stocksfield, who are yet to win, are becoming detached, with last season’s champions Ponteland United, surprisingly languishing in a relegation spot.

Having just missed out on promotion in the last two seasons, Amble United, currently unbeaten and 4 points clear in Division 1, seem determined to go up. Surprise packages Wallsend Town are close behind, though they went down by an amazing 8-2 scoreline at home to GosforthBbohemians last time out. At the foot of the table, Cullercoats have had a nightmare start, as have Newcastle East End, thumped 10-0 at home by the University on September 17th; both sides have won 1 game and lost every other fixture.

Division 2 is headed by the impressive Red House Farm team from the Gosforth / Kingston Park border. They have an excellent set up with many junior sides and will be looking to move up the division. Just behind them are gallant Northbank, while at the bottom Cramlington united have been beaten in every game so far. Best of luck to them in turning their fortunes round.

League football is not the be all and end all of the Alliance; cup competitions are massively important. Teams in the Alliance compete in the Kicks Leisure George Dobbins League Cup, as well as a divisional cup; from the Premier Division via the First to the Second these are known respectively as the Challenge Cup, sponsored by Kicks Leisure, the Combination Cup and the Amateur Cup, both sponsored by Pin Point Recruitment. Those who fall at the first hurdle in the League Cup are required to compete in the Alliance’s own repechage,   known as the Charity Cup. As well as this, there is the County FA competition to play in, whether that is the Cumbrian, Durham or Northumberland FA. North of the Tyne, it means the Senior Benevolent Bowl (current holders Percy Main Amateurs FC) for Premier Division sides and the Minor Cup (won in 1920 by, you’ve guessed it, Percy Main Amateurs FC) for the other teams, plus those from the feeder leagues of the Tyneside Amateur, Corinthian and North Northumberland.

By my reckoning I’ve been to 36 of the current Alliance grounds; here’s hoping I can return to tell you of my trips to Blyth Town, Heddon, Forest Hall, Red House Farm, Harton & Westoe, Hexham, North Shields Athletic, Wideopen and, most importantly, Alston, as I complete the full set. 

Wednesday 14 September 2011

Nixon in China


It is now more than 10 days since the 2011 Summer Transfer Window closed (how tempting was it to use the “slammed shit” cliché there?), with Newcastle United, managing only to get a full back and third choice keeper “over the line,” despite the blatant need for another striker and centre back in the squad, which was the situation going back as far as last January and the sale of Andy Carroll. In the aftermath of another round of broken promises, failed rhetoric and empty words, the club has issued nonsensical and contradictory statements referring to  claims that both long term and short term targets had been sourced, approved and approached, only for the deals to fail over unspecified details (for example; the players didn’t want to come, the clubs didn’t want to sell or, more likely and as yet not confirmed, these potential deals were further examples of the smoke and mirrors chicanery that the current owners of the Magpies have gained an unenviable reputation for). In short, the squad is in exactly the same position, numerically, it was at the end of last season; Nolan, Barton, Enrique, Kuqi, Routledge, Campbell and Forster (the latter two temporarily) have all left the club, while Cabaye, Ba, Marveaux, Abeid, Obertan, Santon and Elliott have joined. Rest assured though, the supporters have no less respect for Alan Pardew than they had in the first place. The start to the season is proving to be tactically astute, even if he still comes across as a smarmy bullshitter in all his utterances to the press and fans.

While the initial moves to sign Czech keeper Petr Bolek were quickly abandoned, causing Lee Ryder to refer to this no-deal as “The Third Defenestration of Prague” (not really…), we did end up with Rob Elliott from Charlton. He may be a fine keeper and no doubt we will be seeing Frazer Forster eventually signing permanently at Parkhead and it seems clear that Steve Harper’s time on Tyneside coming to an end, whether he was actually injured or just sulking around August Bank Holiday weekend (I was astonished Chris Hughton didn’t try and take him to Birmingham I have to say), I still wonder whether there was any need to buy Elliott with both Soderberg and Jak Alnwick there to provide emergency back for to the admirable Tim Krul? Obviously the other purchase, Davide Santon (the straight replacement for Jose Enrique which still leaves the squad in the threadbare state of having only a single experienced left back on the books, whatever Shane Ferguson’s potential may be) arrives with a great reputation, though so did Alessandro Pistone many years ago. However, fair play to Santon, he went down to QPR, didn’t get off the bench, flew back and still turned out for the Reserves in their 6-0 twatting of Norwich the next afternoon. That shows a bit of dedication.

I know nothing of Santon; I also admit to knowing nothing of the other targets with whom we were linked; Modibo Maiaga's morganatic Magpie marriage may have been the most likely arrival from the names bandied around on Sky Sports and Twitter, but I am as ignorant of him as I am of the other alleged targets Mevlut Erdinc, Papiss Cisse, Eric Mououngui, Andre-Pierre Gignac or Bryan Ruiz. Thankfully the Twitterati Brains’ Trust was able to put me right about Ruiz; an anonymous opening 45 minutes for Fulham against Blackburn consigned the £11m striker to the “shit” category, so it looks like a bullet dodged there then. Of course it doesn’t prove anything of the sort, it just shows the idiocy of the foolish and fanciful short term memory loss clowns, who spend days hunched over lap-tops, work PCs and smart phones, blasting out their ill-considered, vacuous opinions via Twitter and message boards, or even blogs (but not this one of course; like Yohan Cabaye, I’m Nietzschean ubermensch!).

Frankly, it is a difficult call whether the owners or the fans of Newcastle United spout more bullshit. The cyber loons provide a constant low dosage drip feed of on-line inanity, while the owners serve up intermittent banquet sized chunks of dogshit doggerel.  Recently, as an apparent attempt to deal with supporter unease after the failure to “land the big name target man the whole Geordie nation were crying out for,” The Chronicle managed to get Llambias or some other hapless drone to give bland, platitudinous responses to a dozen bland, platitudinous questions that had been voted by on line participants as “the burning issues you the fans demand answers about NOW.” Clearly there was no chance of a face to face chat, in the way Chris Mort used to wine and dine certain fans a few years ago, nor could the journalists even get an audience with Llambias, much less a freebie all you can eat Cantonese buffet and striptease with Ashley. Perhaps they could have used Alan Smith or James Perch as spokespersons; after all, they’re doing nothing else at the club these days.

As a result of the minimal thawing of the PR permafrost on Barrack Road exemplified by evasive and / or shallow responses to dull, repetitive queries, both sides can go through the farcical charade of adopting the posture that an era of détente, unseen since the Nixon Mao summit of 1972, has been ushered in by the repeated use of “the owners remain committed to driving Newcastle United forward” in half a dozen different ways, like a Cameron press release set to music by Michael Nymon. Whether or not Ashley donates a symbolic Ling-Ling to NCJ Media after this pantomime or not, I still distinctly get the feeling the owners are taking the piss out of the club, the fans, the region and the players. Why else would our squad be so criminally weak in so many areas? We need a striker, a creative midfielder, as well as a centre half and a left back and we have done since April 2010 when promotion back to the Premier League was assured.

And yet, and yet, this miniscule amount of communication is a start isn’t it? In certain other areas of the web, Newcastle fans, off their own bat and without any form of mandate, sent unbidden emails to the club, replete with pointlessly confrontational questions that would never be answered in a month of Sundays. While wondering about the wit of composing emails that will be deleted seconds after they were opened, I’m presuming this approach and the argumentative content I’ve alluded to were not done with any remote intention of starting a dialogue with the club, but to portray the questions in the role of Alpha Confrontationalists, as a kind of hub or Mecca for absolutist nay-sayers who will never have any truck with the current ownership.  Such behaviour, to my mind, is the stock in trade of the message board cyber warrior, whereby anonymous tough guys attempt to cause maximum outrage from minimum effort. Frankly, they are more of a stain on the club than Ashley, Llambias or even Nile Ranger! I’m not saying these questions were of the same stamp, but the tactics come from the same manual.

Personally, and I may be naïve in this, I’m burning a candle of hope in the name of Newcastle Fans United, a loose amalgam of participants from various blogs, messageboards, fanzines,  supporters’ groups and other interested parties who meet up once a month, the first Monday generally, in the Irish Club to discuss how best to try to get opinion heard. The motivation to start this group was the abject failure of NUST to do anything much from April 2010. While “Yes we Can” was a wonderful idea, the whole organisation has become a moribund irrelevance in the last 18 months. This may be an opinion shared by huge sections of our support, but it doesn’t mean Newcastle Fans United are representing every section of the support just yet.

Clearly NUST, or more accurately the committee, believe they have their own legitimate part to play in the long war and don’t wish to be involved. Unsurprisingly “The Mag,” which remains resolutely apolitical, is still closely linked to NUST, though I don’t believe any formal links between the two entities have been forged. Biffa, the maverick behind the glorious www.nufc.com is very much of the Groucho Marx position and keeps his own counsel. While Steve Wraith and his superb fanzine “Toon Talk” are prime movers behind Newcastle Fans United, the third and final NUFC fanzine, Mickey Edmundson’s excellent “Black & White Daft,” which has a clear aim to concentrate on the history of the club mixed with humorous articles, is sympathetic to the cause rather than active in it. It would be excellent if all these diverse groups came and joined us. Unity is strength of course!

What is Newcastle Fans United about? Well, at present a Mission Statement (based on the Shakespearean maxim that “brevity is wit”) is being worked on. Basically, it’s like the TUC of NUFC support; a massive range of opinions and different interest groups (everyone’s welcome, providing they subscribe to our basic principles) come together on a regular basis, discuss the supporter issues of the day and pass these comments on to the ownership, via veteran campaigner for a more democratic Newcastle United, Malcolm Dix. As opinions and attitudes vary from those boycotting the club, to hard-core away travellers and from Ashley sympathisers to rabble rousing smart arse mavericks like myself, there is no way we can ever hope to get an overwhelming consensus of opinion on any given matter.

However, and this is the beauty, that doesn’t matter. We are raising issues that are important to the fans and asking for replies. Unlike some, we don’t demand an insight in to club finances, wage structure or future transfer targets and we aren’t out to pick a fight. Neil Mitchell, ex NUST leading light and a regular fanzine writer, was charged with submitting 4 questions to the owners via The Chronicle; this he did, with wit, with subtlety and with craft. They obviously remain unanswered, but I bet you they made the owners think!

Here’s an example of how Newcastle Fans United might work. At the end of last season, the singing section in Level 7 was dispersed, ostensibly because of a need for an extended family sector, but probably because it was the main source of anti-Ashley singing. Their representatives were strung along by the club with vague promises of a mass relocation to Level 4. It didn’t happen and so now all the half-pissed, shoe-waving, charva Poznarnia are scattered about the ground, behaving at the Arsenal and Fulham games like they were still in their own Private Idaho. As a result many regulars who’ve sat in the same seat for 20+ years have to deal with these teenage tyros standing up all game. In many cases arguments took place, in others, blows were exchanged.

In Newcastle Fans United, some support the youngsters and their right to break ground regulations; I don’t personally as I go to games to watch football not act the giddy goat. However, we all recognise this situation is of the club’s making and they can put it right, if they choose to. Hence, a confrontational approach to Llambias may say “Why don’t you admit you were spiteful in dispersing the L7 singers and let them gather up there again, instead of picking on them?” This will get you nowhere, whilst a more reasoned, inclusive comment along the lines of “Newcastle Fans United recognises the problems caused by the reintegration of former L7 habitués in to the body politic of SJP. Would it not be possible to satisfy the requirements of all sides if they were allowed to congregate in one defined area from the next available match, with a firm undertaking not to breach ground regulations?”  It may seem like collaboration, but I’d rather see compromise than conflict if it means getting some kind of dialogue going. We have to show willing and they we are not Ashley Out with no second thought about what happens next.

We may be naïve and nothing may come of it; certainly I’m vehemently opposed on ideological grounds to the proposal to pass on freebies engineered by Fiorentina tickets to members of the Armed Forces. That said; the Newcastle Fans United tent is one I intend to remain inside for a while yet. I remain optimistic pressure can be brought that will bring Francisco Jiminez Tejada back home to where he belongs.


Tuesday 6 September 2011

Fragments of Unpopular Culture 5: Found Poetry


Found poetry is a type of poetry created by taking words, phrases, and sometimes whole passages from other sources and reframing them as poetry by making changes in spacing and/or lines (and consequently meaning), or by altering the text by additions and/or deletions. The resulting poem can be defined as either treated: changed in a profound and systematic manner; or untreated: virtually unchanged from the order, syntax and meaning of the original.



Take A Break


I grew up in six-bedroom house and owned a horse,
but at school I was bullied.
Then, at 17, I met a group of drug addicts
and saw my chance to fit in.

I sold my horse to buy them crack cocaine
so they accepted me.
Then I started taking drugs
and became a prostitute.

EASTERSIDE NOCTURNE
It was almost closing time after a long shift (1-11). 
A girl came in with her boyfriend and shouted 
"I need a piss!" She left 
and squatted down in front of the fish shop next door. 
Her boyfriend went out after buying a £4.99 bottle of vodka 
("keep the penny mate"). 
This lad watching her shouted 
"HERE MATE, YOUR LASS IS HAVING A SLASH." 

Oh I was mortified

PIGEONS
I was reading about the people who burned the pigeons.
They are worse than the scum of the earth.
They are the most vile people going about,
apart from the paedophiles.
How cruel can they be? It's terrible
They should make them clear up all the mess they have done. .


These people should be put in a hut
and set on fire to see how they feel about that!

NICHOLAZ FLETCHER

hello baby.
i must confess to u that u looking like BRITNEY SPEARS.
when ever i looked at ur postures u gat me high
en i'm pensively disorganized.
if u don't mind let us meet
en if u think u have any alternative for us chatting
pls let me know en i hope to hear back from you soon.
take great care of urself , ur health en ur beautiful white skin.
i love you..............



Hi…


you look pretty, like king.
i will like to know you more.
I am open-minded woman.
I am a very happy easygoing person
with good heart,

I enjoy the company of good people
and having good conversations,
i read your profile
and GOD i liked it.

Thanks.


Cheryl went into a long room;
it was relatively dazzling and vibrant.
It was filled with joy and laughter.

She did not know what to do.
She was very anxious,
but at the same time excited.

Cheryl is quite timid,
so she sat in the corner
and said nothing.